...it's always a mixed bag of emotions when you ever look back and read things that were your reality and now it's simply a limp you have grown accustomed to. An old writing that i can vividly remember where i was and what i was thinking in those moments...going back and forth with a friend of mine we took turns explaining each others plight. I started...

Sand, It's everywhere.
My skin blisters from it's gusty sting
The glare from the sun
Shields the answers from my sight
as I walk through the desert

I fight to stay above my fears that congregate
and dare not settle to impersonate
for those who point and say
'that desert will claim your fate.'

Yet my fears collaborate with my foe
and those who point at my desert
have chosen to make it their own
I will be free
Once this tempered hope makes it to my heart

They mock me with their comfortable,
superficial shade
and though the temptation draws on my weakness
of planting in the sand
My tired heart knows this desert is only for a season
So I must continue to stand...

emotions overcast...

So I wrote this a little while ago and still wonder why we choose to allow our emotions to dictate what we hear from ourselves and those around us. This state of disarray is easily remedied if we are objective but for a moment.



a thought, this thing that enters our mind when we wake. without having too much control of what that first one will be potentially sets the pace for our 16 hours of consciousness. well at least it does for me... ok, so im awake....now what? guess ill do whats expected and get ready for work (even though that doesnt answer my question). i mean who wants to add as part of their morning routine of freshly ironed clothes and mouthwash some overwhelming confusion to kick things off? well being aware of the foolishness of this question it still seems as though i do. of all the things to occupy my mind i choose uncertainty. emotions overcast my day...what is going on with me? i guess to borrow from an old author, "What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise." i know what i can be but tell me how am i supposed to get "there"?

sbucks

I'm sitting in a room full of drinks. My neighbors preference of beverage and name written on their cups tell me more intentionally than they would omit purposefully. Color of shirt, choice of piercing, haircut and posturing cannot disguise the wounds. The fear, the clear lack of control and the simple unknown frightens everyone of these social drinkers.