Sunday, October 18, 2009

No matter what you tell yourself you can't always stop your feelings.
I by no means seek to be dramatic but there are times like right now
when I'd rather not feel anything. A deep breath and a distraction.
That's all I'm asking for at the moment. Oh to have the rush of oxygen
in my lungs to loosen the knot....cause it's not about who I was or
what I did, but what I can and will be. The pruning doesn't always
feel "fair" but if I want to go an inch further I have to let go. May
I decrease gracefully.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

it's eating at me....
I know the honest truth about me.
However I cannot get my heart to chip in with my thoughts, why such a variance?
Do they truly counter balance each other? Or do I just secretly enjoy holding onto pain?
Sounds sick to you?....well it is but I can't for the life of me let go of certain things. So what
do you hold onto to make it through to the other side?

Do you ever feel like you are the only one trapped?? That everyone around you has an
infinite freedom to basically do or be whatever they want, and you wanna know just how they got a hold of that. I'm forever on the outs with one person and i feel as if I'll never make it in the club....he keeps me on the end of everything and I just wanna find my way past his curve and
see what I'm in for a little sooner than he does. Some have just met him and some of you are subjected to not being allowed in his clique as well.....he's usually referred to as Hindsight. You might feel his intro a bit excessive but if you've been where I have with him it's not the half of it.
What a seemingly esoteric way of life.....I'm not shooting for the center, I would just like to belong.